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Al Hakimi53

Dua Hayat E Qaaf / Dua Hiyat E Qaaf

 

Al hakimi 53 is a Dawoodi Bohra Blog. Here you will find all kind of Dua,Surah,Naat,Madeh,Maraasiy in Video & Audio Formats

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I didn't know what i used to be missing

I got married once I was 20 to a person that by all accounts wasn't bad, but he wasn't good on behalf of me . Long story short, i used to be married to a loser. He didn't necessarily do anything wrong, he just didn't do anything in the least . Now, i'm not a "typical woman" if there even is such a thing. i really like myself. Sure, there are things i would like to enhance , but i do not have a drag with my age, or intelligence, or what my body seems like , or my personality- those things that appear to stereotypically plague women just don't bother me for whatever reason. I even have a career where I make quite enough money on my very own to measure comfortably. i do know the way to use power tools, fix my very own car, and google the shit out of anything that must be done. I say what I mean, and expect others to try to to an equivalent , none of this passive-aggressive nonsense. But I'm stubborn as a mule, and marriages are alleged to last, so albeit i used to be the first breadwinner, and did most of the items round the house, and raised my kids totally on my very own , I still spent 13 years therein worthless marriage. At the top of the day, my husband felt like I didn't need him, because i'm very capable. But he was wrong. I needed support. I needed a partner, a friend. Even someone who would see how hard i used to be working to only keep my head above water. i could not manage EVERYTHING on my own; and that i still can't. 

For some perspective at how emotionally isolated i used to be , I struggled with infertility for 3 years; I had to require plenty of medications & shots that made me sick, tired, have hot flashes, body aches, and migraines for those years; to not mention the emotional drain of each month without fail seeing one pink line thereon damn stick. The emotion of browsing a bulk pack of pregnancy tests, or taking photos of your cousin's child's first birthday (for the kid they conceived after you started trying), is just... tons to bear; i used to be very open with my struggles, because i feel it helped people too. Somehow, my husband wasn't even aware this was a thing that i used to be needing support in. he had no idea. and it isn't because i didn't tell him or directly ask him. he just was that thick and lost. he was a five year old trapped as an adult- lacking the power to offer support therein way. 

And once I had kids, he was actually more of a burden than a help. I spent most of my time walking on eggshells, trying to balance being exhausted from a high-demand job, making dinner, and praying the youngsters (who are all-around good kids) didn't do anything to "poke the bear" while my husband played games on his phone and mostly ignored them. I spent longer trying to stay them from upsetting him than anything .

When i finally asked him to please leave, everything improved immediately. I could breathe again. i used to be freed from such a lot dead weight. I was so, so happy to only not-have-him around. it had been such a lot better, I never looked back, and that i was ok on my very own . Sure, I crawled in to bed nightly , feeling able to collapse at the top of the day. Kids are demanding, after all. But i used to be free. and that i was happy. 

But it wears on you. I even have an unfair amount of help in my life. I even have a six figure salary and live well within my means. I even have family that watches my children once I need. I even have amazing neighbors and a church family that pitches in often whenever i want a hand, and still, i had many, many, days where i used to be so tired from thinking all day, coming home to my screaming 4 year old, and my 10 year old yammering a few television program , and therefore the refore the dog yapping at the door and the cat under my feet crying, and it is so much. everything needs me, all the time. Notice, I didn't say want. They needed me. Feeling needed is great, but most days i used to be a mostly empty cup that was trying to squeeze out all drop to pour into my little family, and there simply wasn't enough to travel around.

Did I ever consider dating? lol, no. Who has time for that? I sure didn't. i used to be busy enough, and that i clearly was ok on my very own . Besides, who would want so far a lady who had sons and daughters , and was by all accounts completely independent and really successful? i used to be sure as hell not ever looking so far for "fun"- ain't nobody got time fo dat! to not mention, I'm not getting to leave of my thanks to meet anyone, my standards were WAY high after my ex, and again, that's just time i do not have for something i didn't see any particular need for. 

So that's when God said "Hold my beer" and cracked his knuckles.

He was an intern that summer; an absolutely brilliant one. Good looking, hard working, personable, did crazy things like fix his own car, and budget. But there was an over 10 year age gap, and there surely wasn't an opportunity in hell this guy would want to relax out with (much older) me and my kids in our simple suburban lives. Summer flew by, and before I knew it, he was gone back to high school . But he happened to be back for the weekend, and far to our mutual surprise, he kissed me... and we've been a thing ever since.

Oh. My. God. If I knew this was what healthy relationships were... Ya'll. i can not even with this guy. He uses his words to inform me what he's thinking and feeling, albeit he's pretty sure i'm not gonna love it . You GUYS. i do not need to guess what he's thinking! He just tells me! What a present ... he budgets, he watches his money. This man is 22 years old and features a credit score over 800! I can ask him for a whole day about deep stuff, like existential things, or science, movies, tv shows, or books with actual plot lines and not just explosions. He asks me about my day, every day, and once I tell him, he actually remembers and cares. i do not have one fuck to offer about getting flowers or jewelry or any of that other crap, I just need a companion, ya know? So for Valentine Day , he flooded my inboxes on every possible channel he has got to contact me with everything he could consider to form me smile-- memes, sweet love notes, pictures of cats, whatever. the primary time i visited his apartment (he's got several roommates), i used to be DEAD TIRED from the day, and just about passed out on his bed. I awakened like 2-3 hours later and was talking with one among his roommates and located out that he had gone around to all or any the doors accessible and wd-40'd them while i slept to form sure the squeaking didn't wake me up.

He cleans up. He cooks, he wants to undertake new things and do new things. he's appreciative! OMG you guys! He actually says things like "wow, this dinner is amazing, many thanks such a lot for cooking!" or "wow, you're specialized at x, that's so cool!" get this you guys- this is often crazy. There was this at some point I had gone pretty far out of my thanks to do him a favor, (very happily), but he was weirdly short once I got there to deliver the things to him. very uncharacteristic. After i left i used to be thinking I should probably call and tell him i didn't appreciate that considerably , but was everything ok?-- when the phone rang. he was calling to apologize for being so short with me, he realized after i left he was being rude and he was very, very appreciative. this man OWNED his mistake and APOLOGIZED immediately! WHAT. IS. THIS?! Shut the front door!

And he calls me on my bullshit. God, i really like that. If I'm being ridiculous, i would like to understand it-- and he tells me! He doesn't let me escape with it. And damned if he is not an equivalent way-- i do not even skills to handle a mature adult... it is so wonderfullll

he leaned in to the youngsters thing. last week he came to visit for dinner. my four year old was during a special mood. usually she's the spunkiest kid around, but she was being a grade-a turd that night. i used to be already close to breakdown when he got there with a number of the dinner food. he took one check out me, gave me a fast hug, and said he'd take my daughter call at the rear yard for a moment if that was ok... OK?! hell yes, please take it! and he took the dog too. are you kidding me, i can cook dinner without things yapping at me?! i about cried. he came in after a couple of minutes and asked me if i used to be ok, and what he could do to assist . i used to be still pretty frazzled, and just muttered "yeah i'm frazzled, i do not really even know..." he just gave me an extended hug, and said he was there on behalf of me , and it would be ok. gave me a peck on the forehead and took off to play with the youngsters again outside. Then he brought them in and got them to assist set the table. he did everything, I even have never in my entire adult life gotten to take a seat down for dinner while everyone else gets the table set and food ready and drinks and etc. After dinner, he made some extent of telling the youngsters he couldn't play till he helped me pack up . and by helped, he meant do everything on behalf of me . I literally didn't know what to try to to with myself you guys. I did not have anything to try to to ... it was... so... nice. I tell my man all the time how appreciative i'm of him, and he feels uncomfortable about it because he doesn't think he's doing anything special. Guys, he thinks this is often normal and everybody is like that. What?! False. These men are few and much between from what i've seen.

The craziest thing to me here is he wants me. he. wants. me. What within the ever living hell is wrong with this man?? he's in his senior year of school , he could do anything he wants, the planet is his oyster. Oh sure, he could have tumblr'd his way through a gazillion hot college girls his own age; that weren't long-distance, that did not have kids, but no. He picked me. Me, with my baggage, and my kids, and my stretch marks, and my sarcasm for days. Me, that's hard headed and opinionated, and may barely hold it together a day . i do not know what I did to urge this guy, but I'm sure as hell gonna do everything i can to form him as happy as he makes me a day . My heart didn't even know i needed him...